Crushed
by Shotzette
Summary: Alternate canon for "Lenny's Crush".


"Crushed"

By: Shotzette

PG-13 

This is only a work of fan fiction and is not intended to infringe upon anyone's copyrights or intellectual property. It was done for grins and giggles, not dollars and cents.

The tall man's Slavic features creased in confusion. "So, what you're saying is—if I find a girl who likes the same stuff I do, she'll be the right girl for me?"

"That's it, Lenny."

"Hey, Laverne. I think I've already found that girl."

"Aww… I'm so happy," Laverne replied, with a grin that lit up her whole face.

"Yeah. Me too. Say Laverne, will you go with me to the Braves game tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we're all going."

"Oh, yeah. Boy, this won't even make me mind spending the night in my home away from home tonight."

"Where's that?"

The gutter."

She shook her head in dismay. "Len, Len, you don't gotta sleep in the gutter tonight. I mean, you gotta keep putting quarters in the meter every half hour… Why don't you take the couch tonight. I'll get you a blanket."

"Gee, Laverne, that would be swell. Thanks. I feel a lot better. You talk real good," he said to her retreating back as she walked into her bedroom.

She reemerged carrying an acid green blanket and a pillow. "Yeah? Well you don't talk half bad yourself. Especially when you don't spit. You're a real sweet guy, Len. Don't you forget that," she said, as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him good night on the cheek. He surprised her, buy turning his head quickly so that her lips landed on his. "Len, Len, Len," she started, amused, "You don't kiss bad, either." She turned from him and headed back towards her bedroom, but his hand on her arm stopped her. Slowly, she turned back towards him. The intensity of his gaze stopped short any words that she would have uttered.

"Laverne," he said, his voice an octave lower than its usual nasal whine, and its gruffness sent a shiver down her spine. He stepped towards her and gently cupped her chin in his hand as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

Laverne's body betrayed her. Instead of shoving him back and taking a swing at him like she had so many times in the past, she surprised herself by drawing closer. This moment was unlike anything she'd experienced with Lenny in the past; he wasn't egged on by Squiggy, or trying to find a female piece of meat to rub up against. It was just them, two people, a man and a woman caught in a moment. Nothing more, she reassured herself as she pressed herself even more closely to him. Her lips parted to admit his surprisingly timid tongue. His arms tightened around her waist, but he made no motion to explore her further with his hands.

Laverne concentrated on the sensations emanating from his body; the tell tale scent of Sen-sen, and the faint taste of licorice on her tongue. The slightly rough texture of his late night stubble that contrasted with the smooth slickness of his greased hair. The solid feel of his chest and the sudden strength of his arms. She moaned involuntarily as she felt him fall back onto the sofa, clutching her more closely against him. Laverne suppressed a shiver as her legs intertwined with his, and felt proof of his arousal against her belly.

"Laverne!" Shirley's shrill yelp was as pleasing as ice water trickling down her spine. "What do you think you are doing? With Lenny Kosnowski, of all people?"

"I-I-I," Laverne sputtered helplessly, her cheeks flaming. She looked from her shocked roommate back to Lenny for help, but saw only hurt in his blue eyes.

"Yeah, Laverne," he sniped as he reached for his guitar, "What were you doing with me, of all people? On second thought, you can keep your couch. I like the gutter better. At least I know where I stand there," he hollered over his shoulder, as he ran out the door.

"Can I have another dime?" the old man in the tattered suit coat asked.

"I just gave you one ten minutes ago," Lenny whined. "I gotta save my change for the meter, Pal." Lenny turned on his side, and spooned against the bowed body of his guitar. The curved shape reminded him of Laverne, and he groaned aloud. Stupid, stupid, stupid… He cursed himself over and over again. Why had he gotten so angry? It's not like Shirley had never insulted him before. Heck, she even called him a Pickle-Head once, and he had gotten over that. Why did it hurt so much tonight?

Because, he replied to himself as he was wont to do when alone, you and Laverne had never been that close before. Because she'd never let you touch her before, and Shirley had to go ruin it by opening her big mouth. Lenny groaned again as he tried to scooch another inch or two away from the bum who had decided that Lenny's stretch of the gutter was big enough for two.

And Laverne let her. That was the part that really hurt. She just stood there, stammering, and let Shirley go on.

This was without a doubt the worst night of his whole miserable life. He was a loser, just like he always suspected. Squiggy's girl was right, he WAS too weird looking. That's probably why Laverne didn't say anything, in the heat of the moment she had forgotten how weird he was.

"There you are!" The loud voice cut through his musings like a knife through butter. He looked up into Laverne's irritated face.

"Oh, hello," he replied coldly, as he inwardly cursed himself for the girly shriek he let rip. "Come by to finish insulting me, Laverne?"

"That's not nice, Laverne," rebuked the bum.

"Yeah, listen to Myron," Lenny chimed in as he stuck his chin out defiantly at her.

"My name's Milo."

"Whatever. Anyway, you said all you needed to say—or DID'NT, back at your place, Laverne. I ain't got nothing more to say to you?"

"Lenny, can you come back inside so we can talk?"

"I ain't got nothing to say."

"I'll go inside and talk to you," Milo said, as he eyed her up and down like a blue plate special.

"Shut up, Milo. Len, you gotta let me explain. Tonight really took me by surprise."

"You can't believe you kissed someone as weird looking as me? Thanks a lot, Laverne."

"No! It's not that. And I don't think you're weird looking."

That got his attention. "Really?' he said, hating the note of hope that had crept into his voice. "You're just saying that 'cause you feel bad about hurting my feelings."

"Well, yeah. I mean, I feel bad that you got hurt tonight, but I meant it when I said you're not weird looking. You've got a lot to offer a girl, Len."

He sneered, "Yeah? Like what?"

"Like you always think of your friends first. You're about the most loyal guy I ever met, Len. You're sweet, and you're a real good guitar player. And, most of all, you're my best guy friend."

"Big deal!" Lenny turned from her and started to crawl further into the gutter.

"It is a big deal, you big dope!" Laverne yanked him back by his Lone Wolf jacket, and forced him to turn around and face her. "Do you know that you're probably my closest friend next to Shirley?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're my best guy friend, and that counts a lot with me, Len."

"So," he said, with sadness in his eyes, "I just gotta be happy being your friend then, don't I."

Now it was her turn to look away. "Until an hour ago, that's what I thought. I mean, I didn't expect to, but I really liked it when you kissed me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied with a surprisingly shy smile. She held her hand up in front of her as he lunged towards her. "But," she said, as the smile faded and her eyes grew serious, "I wanna take it slow."

He groaned aloud, "How slow?"

"Like, maybe the two of us actually going out on a date. Just the two of us," she said firmly.

He looked crestfallen. "We just paid our rent yesterday, Laverne. I ain't got enough money to take you back to La Fondue."

This time, it was her turn to snort. "Yeah, like we could go back there without being arrested, you big dope. No, I mean like a real date—maybe a movie or something?"

Lenny's smirk turned into a grin. "Do you know what's playing down at the New View tomorrow night?" he asked conspiratorially. When she shook her head, he replied, "Godzilla on Monster Island."

She clutched the front of his shirt. "You wouldn't lie to me, Len."

"Never," he affirmed. "So it's true. You and me are going out on a date."

"Yeah," she said as she leaned towards him and gently kissed his lips. "And I'm looking forward to it."

"Can we sit in the balcony and make out?"

Laverne rolled her green eyes and favored him with a look of exasperation. "No promises. Either way," she replied, with a look that seemed to promise more than she'd ever admit to out loud.

"What's Shirley going to say?" he said, as the old doubts resurfaced.

"Shirley ain't going to say nothing. She and I had a little talk after you left, and she's going to keep her mouth shut about us for the time being."

"You beat her up, didn't you?"

"No! She's my best friend, Lenny. I wouldn't beat her up. I just gave her a pink belly and an Indian rub. Then she agreed that she'd been a little harsh with you."

"Really? Wow. That sort of news even makes the gutter seem better, Laverne."

"Yeah, about that. Len, you don't gotta stay in the gutter tonight," she said with a smile.

"Yeah," he leered, as he looked her up and down appraisingly with an intensity that surpassed Milo's, "Where AM I going to stay?"

She smacked his arm, "On the couch like we originally planned, Lenny! Jeez, it's not like we've even been on a date yet and you want to…"

"If he stays with you, can I sleep on your couch," asked Milo.

"Better yet," Lenny said, turning towards the man and handing him a fist full of dimes, "You can have my spot here. It's all warm and everything. Just make sure you keep feeding the meter so you don't get washed away down the waste management plant and get chemically treated," he warned. "Come on, Laverne," he said as he hoisted himself up to his feet. "Let's go home. This place isn't as nice as I remember it being," he whispered to her.

FIN


End file.
